Hobby-ness.

I feel so bad this evening and i decided to write my thoughts and...voila i posted 3 entry in just one night.

Writing works! 

I'm really sorry but bear with me, okay?

=========================================================================

I unninstalled my instagram a week ago. 

The reason?

Jealousy.

Yup, i'm envious of everything that my friends can do and share it on their story.

I'm pretty scary,right? I wouldn't want to be my friend if i wasn't me.

As i said before, my quaraine life is so lifeless. I did the same thing all over again everyday, every week, for at least 4 months now. I know my friends feel the same thing at some point in this quarantine. Some of them are tweeting on how they're bored in their house, miss their 'real' communication with their close friend, and some even miss on the night shifts we hate before covid exist.

They're bored, 

I'm bored.

So aren't we the same? Why do i envy them?

Well, they may be bored but

THEY DID A LOT!!!!

Come on, i can't even count on how many of my friends opens new fnb selling acc. 

They're being super cool out there! (or since it's quarantine,should i say.... in there? wkwkkwk)

Baking,

Cooking,

Drawing and making their own comic,

Selling their product,

Gardening,

Investing, ( I don't know if i can consider this as a hobby tho )

Travelling, ( I also don't think that it's safe to travel these days )

and bunch of other stuffs.

It must be nice to be productive and get income from your hobby, right?

I remember once people say that u should work from ur passion/hobby instead of working to afford your hobby.

Well, i am not that envious and negative all of a sudden. I am grateful that they're doing what they love and be able to make something out of it. It's a pandemic, tho. We need to be grateful that someone is still making a living in this hard time. 

=========================================================================

I thought maybe.... let's do a hobby too? And.....hopefully make something out of it?

And then i caught myself staring at the wall thinking of what really is my hobby.

I always wrote in my 'bio' that my hobby is listening to music, reading, and browsing.

Now that i think about it.....

You can't really call that a hobby, can you?

It's more of a daily routine, rather than something special you do in your spare time.

(It's like one time when my high school friend answered my teacher question abt her hobby. She answered that her hobby is sleeping. And then my teacher slap her in the face with a statement that sleeping is something we need, not a hobby).

And then i began the search of my true hobby.

========================================================================

The first thing i try?

Keyboard. 

I played keyboard (not the keyboard on your PC, more like the keyboard as a musical instruments) when i was in elementary school.

I remembered that my little brother has just got into kindergarten and there was a music subject. My parents somehow think that it's cool to have the music teacher come over and teach us how to play instruments. So to be clear, it was actually my little brother who started it first (music lesson), not me. 

My parents bought my brother a keyboard worth 2.000.000 at that time (Now i thought.. for that time, it's so expensive guys i'm so grateful of my parent hardwork so that their children can afford these things .____. ) My little brother started the lesson first, and i would peek from the living room. Hehehe.

I 've always been interested in piano. I liked Kevin Aprillio from Vierra wkwkwkwk. I always imagined that i'd be super cool, pretty, and graceful if i can play piano. And even if i was still a child, i've always imagined that i'd be 'close' to someone that can play me a piano/violin (i thought that it was bloody romantic).

My parents noticed me peeking and they told me to just go out and practice with my brother. I ended up doing that keyboard lesson for a year and a half. I memorized chords, i can read partiture, i can play simple songs. I remember my very first pop song i played was Terimakasih Cinta by Afgan wkwkwk.

But, that's it. I kinda have an on-off relationship with my keyboard ever since.

I can play now, but with the help of my teacher.

It's called youtube sensei.

========================================================================

What's the next thing on my hobby list?

I really want to say that i love singing and i did explore my singing hobbies but....

To be real good at singing, you really need a gift from God i think.

I think most singers are born with anatomical features that you can't just developed easily. 

So......... scratching that off my list.

Wait, i did cook and bake a lot back then!

I can cook and bake too right now! I can sell my food too, right?

Well apparently it's not that easy.

For your food to taste good and sell-able you need to experiment with recipes right? You need to make a 'special' thing that only your food can do. Meaning that you'll probably spend a lot of money, time, and your stomach space to do so.

In normal circumstances, i would still give it a try. Cooking and baking is fun to me.It also brings me happiness when people taste my food and they say it tastes good.

The thing is......

I'm trying to lose weight.

Yup.

I'm in quarantine and do much less than what i used to do before quarantine. And i snack a lot when i'm bored. No wonder my weight scale reached the peak of seventy.....something 😩 (i can't say the exact number that's a top secret information right there).

I'm watching my calories now, i know it sounds dumb but it actually works. And i want to keep on seing that numbers on the scale drop😁! 

In short, no cooking for me this time!

=========================================================================

What else guys? come on, i'm running out of option!

Do i need to explore something i've never done before?

Something that's not too wild but unfamiliar and out of my comfort zone?

But what could that be?

========================================================================

Just when i thought about another option, youtube recommended a video for me.

The title?

Chloe Ting.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me? Exercising? at home?

Is exercise even a hobby???????????????????

I can't barely run in a field without worrying about my friend will go in the same time as me and see me struggling to finish a lap. Exercise is...... something i've been avoiding since.......high school perhaps.

I used to be super good at running tho. 

When i was in my junior high school, i was given a task to sprint 100m and run a lap (480m something). I was the 2nd fastest! (among the girls, of course).

I also played basketball when i was in elementary school. I really liked badminton since i was a kid,too!

Shortly, i was good. And then i became fat, so i stopped. 

(I stopped being good at it).

My parents are from army. They really like to push their kid to exercise in city field every weekend. Be it running, cycling, or even swimming, they just want us to move our lazy ass every weekend. And in their old age too, they still have the spirit to exercise and be good at it.

Well if i were that good, my parents are also good at it, and i'm trying to lose weight, it's worth to try....... isn't it?

And so i tried.

I did it.

I lasted a month. 

Lost some pounds.

I was so proud of myself.

But that weight loss story needs to be told in another entry, i guess.

At the time, exercise feels good!

I can't believe i'm saying that right now (Since now i'm back being a lazy ass and writing these useless stuff).

But also, i feel addicted.

That's when i think i should reconsider if exercise was a good choice to be my new hobby.

It was a holy month of ramadhan. When moslem fast from daylight to sunset, everyday, for a month.

And that holy month also when i was doing chloe ting challenge HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I don't know if u guys know this or not, but just one video of chloe thing can easily kill you man. (Especially for an untrained person like me).

And i pushed myself, i did 3-4 videos a day.

Every. day.

For 2 weeks.

And continue with random amount of exercise another week.

When i was free from tasks and waiting for my online lecture to start...I exercised.

I exercised so much and skipped meals (iftaar meals). 

There were so many red flags like my weight drops 4kgs in 1-2days, and also my late period. It doesn't take too long that my brain is doing it wrong.

I didn't think exercise as a new hobby, it became just.....and adiction with no more happiness while doing it. I keep thinking of how many more and more and more videos I can do every day. 

So i give myself a break.

=========================================================================

Okay, so what's next?

I can't believe that exercise turns out too wild for me, who's looking for a perfect ideal body. I still do it tho, just not to that extent.

Just then, i thought about dancing.

WHAAAAAAAAAAT? DANCING?

yes, dancing.

I didn't know if i should share it here or not but..... i took a very long time in the shower. And that's not because i'm singing. So....what is it?

I...play music out loud in the bathroom, and.....ah. I can't really talk about it. But considering that i'm talking about dancing then you should probably get the idea of what am i doing.

I started with small short covers of kpop songs that i like. It was very hard but actually i'm quite familiar with dancing to kpop.

I had filmed myself and my friends dancing to Gee and Sorry Sorry when i was in junior high school. And that was the most embarassing video of me, ever. But my past friend (AND ALSO EX BOYFRIEND) saw it. I just.....hhhhhh. 

Like all of my listed hobby above, i started by doing youtube and google search things. I searched for dancing tutorial that i can understand and i'm most comfortable with.

I followed the steps, and oh boy it takes 30 minutes for me to learn a 30 seconds move. But that's okay, i'm happy doing it.

From 30 seconds to 1 minute,

From 1 minute to a whole song,

From 1 song to....idk how many i learned now but let's list it out shall we?

-Itzy Wannabe (i stopped until the end of 1st chorus)

-Somi birthday (i also stopped at the end of 1st chorus)

-Mamamoo hip (ofcourse i also stopped at the end of 1st chorus)

-Red velvet Psycho (I stopped at the end of interlude.... i guess(?))

-Blackpink 16 shots (I finished it)

-Blackpink Ddu Ddu Ddu (also finished it)

-Blackpink HYLT (finished it, i really love em ffs)

And some more other than kpop songs i danced to.

And by that, i finally find one thing i really enjoy and i want to keep doing it for the rest of my life (perhaps). I'm so glad i got the guts to do it now, because this is a perfect circumstances. I had the time and my own private space to learn this new hobby (because i'm very shy, i lived with my brother and grandpa grandma when i'm at college so i don't really have privacy there).

But maybe even when the time and space isn't enough, I think i will still dance silently in my bedroom when this quarantine things end. Hehe, wish me luck! and... not be embarassed abt it HAHA!

========================================================================

Well that sums up my exploration of my hobby up to this time.

It is no doubt that i still want to explore other kind of hobby, especially the ones that I can turn into income next time. 

I also still feel insecure of myself, comparing my activity and others and somehow still be sad about it.

But the journey of finding your path, doing something that makes you happy and forget about the insecurity for some time, that's the thing that i want to keep doing no matter what,

Until the time that i'm going to be so busy be happy with my own journey, i have no time to compare myself with you guys.

========================================================================

Let's walk our path to ourselves together, even when we have different road or even finish line, okay?